Why we become Mothers...Part 2

A few months maybe years ago I wrote a post on the very topic and now I want to add to it. You know after the 2nd child has come along.

Motherhood is not the most glamorous title of work. We do it because we love it and are supposedly to find joy in it. Here is my side of the story. Everyone has a different view.

At the beginning of May, I gave a lesson in RS on the 2nd Article of Faith. The Fall. The end result of the Fall is the joy we find because of the result of the Fall. That morning Reagan scribbled all over my lesson with marker, red, blue, and black. I was frazzled. That is one joy of the fall. Anyway, at the end of the lesson, I found a talk by a guy that was saying how proud and amazed he always was at his wife soon after she gave birth. He said the aches and pains of labor and giving birth quickly changed into smiles and happiness and newfound joy at the new baby. I thought that was a very interesting comparison and have thought a lot about it since I read it.

When I had Jaxon, we were very busy with Parade of Homes. Brian with building and I was in charge of decorating, curtains, bedding, you know that stuff. For some reason I thought I was going to be able to manage it all. About 5-6 weeks after I had him was when Parade of Homes started and was also when Jaxon started to bawl. And bawl he did. All the time, all night, he never took naps, always ate, and acted in pain all of the time. I took him to Dr after Dr, naturpath, chiropractor to no avail. I just kept thinking that there is something wrong with him. Finally, someone said he probably had acid reflux and put him on medicine but it really didn't make a difference. When he was about 3 months old I finally got him on some good meds to take care of the problem. During all this time, I was so miserable. Thinking back on it now, it makes me cry. It made me cry then too. Brian would come home at night and I would be crying because I couldn't handle it. Jaxon crying all the time and Reagan was way more than I could handle. I was so overwhelmed by it all and there were so many days I did nothing but hold a crying baby. It was very hard not to lose my temper and I am sure I lost it a lot and would scream at the kids. I got on medication as well and things as slowly returned to normal whatever that is. We are both off all meds now. Jaxon is a really happy baby now and doesn't let too many thumps from Reagan bother him. Jaxon was very hard on both Brian and I and Reagan I am sure suffered as well. It continues to get better everyday. I have someone in the ward watch my kids on Thursdays and that has been the biggest lifesaver. Grandmas pitch in a lot of help too. So many people always told me that there kids cried all the time too but it just didn't seem to be the same. I felt like they really didn't understand what I was dealing with. Lots of people also said "oh it is just a stage or colic".


The point to all of this is this: President Monson has told us to Enjoy our Journey. At times, the journey may seem like Mt. Everest and for me it was. I really wasn't enjoying my journey and sometimes I still don't. It seems like I am always looking forward to if he was 6 months or I can't wait til he is 2. But no matter what the age he is I still have a journey to complete. I need to be reminded constantly that there are stopping points to refuel after the hard climb. Scripture study, prayer, fasting are those refueling stations. It is hard but I feel like I am starting to enjoy my journey more on some days. Life doesn't happen without them. I just thought of a saying, I don't even know who it goes something like...how we dance in the rain. Do we look up and see the thunder clouds and have it be a determining factor in how our day is going to be or do we look at the clouds and think of the opportunities the day could bring. One thing I realized in all of this though is that I am the Mother and I need to take care of myself first because I need to be well to take care of children and they need someone strong. My kids rely on me and need me. I need them too, sometimes it just takes a while for me to get that. I hope I don't look back at this experience in 5 years and say that I really missed out on things because I wasn't enjoying my journey. I hope in all of this we all can realize what a blessing motherhood is and what a God given power each of us as women have. It is a divine sacred thing that we really should hold very close to our hearts and souls and thank Heavenly Father everyday to be able to be a Mother. We really should capture each of the precious moments that happen with our kids whether they be great or sad and cherish them. I am learning to enjoy my journey as a mother and I really hope it gets better with each day.

Good Things
1. Realizing you really are blessed
2. People who can empathize
3. Motherhood, it really is good

Happy Spring

I just wanted to tell everyone that today was such a beautiful day. My garden is planted and growing. I have planted perennials in my flower beds, the tulips, daffodils, hyacinths are blooming, the trees are starting to leaf out and bloom, my strawberries are blooming which means fruit soon, the lawn is green and I love to mow it, for some reason it is very therapeutic and of course....the weeds are in full rage too. Anyway today was just a beautiful day. I got a lot of things done. I took Jaxon to the DR again. It is starting to be really a part of my life. The antibiotics weren't really working and his ear infection is worse. We are trying to figure out if Jaxon has allergies too.

Well first, I was up at 5:30 because the boy was awake. I fed him a bottle and he went to sleep for about 3 minutes. I finally got up and put him in the truck, went and cleaned the office and went to Home Depot to get burning bushes and mulch. After the dr I spent the afternoon mulching my flowerbeds and planting flowers. Still more to plant. I love warm weather.

Good Things
1. Beauty of the Earth
2. Insurance
3. To know that God loves me.

Lately I have been feeling very unsettled. I am not sure why. Angst is a great way to describe it. So I have decided that I need to be doing more scripture reading, temple attending, and really just appreciating what I have and being genuinely thankful for it. Sometimes I get so obsessed with the things I am looking for and want that I don't really take the time to look around at what I have and be grateful for it. Happiness is a state of mind, it is not on the other side of the fence. I really am so blessed in my life to live where I do, married to who I am, and have so many opportunities in life that I should be really and truly grateful because so many have so much less. So I am trying to focus on a new attitude of appreciation. Life may not be great and blissful at all times but we have so many experiences to glean from when the times are tough. So here is my new mantra about the whining and to just be grateful for the everyday blessings. Recently in RS they gave a monthly calendar. At the end of each day we are supposed to right something down in the corresponding date how the Lord have blessed us that day or how we have the love of the Lord that day. It really makes you think. I encourage you all 2 viewers of my blog to get a calendar and do it. At the end of the month look back and see how the Lord loves and blesses us.

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. I hope your day was great.

This last weekend I went to SLC with all of Brian's sisters. Five of them to be exact. I had a lot of fun. We shopped, went to a museum, shopped, hiked ensign peak, shopped, went to Nielsen's custard twice and shopped some more. It was great to see everyone and I hoped enjoyed themselves as much as I did. Brian watched the kids at night and Saturday and then farmed them out the other days. Thanks, mom. Jaxon came down with a case of croup while I was gone and Brian had to deal with that. So when I got back Saturday I first took him to a doctor's office and they sent me to the ER. I waited for a very long time 3 hours and then got in and was there waiting for 2. They gave him a decadrone orally and a breathing treatment and we finally got home about 20 minutes to midnight. We were all very exhausted. He is doing much better today. Along with all of that he has a ear infection and a really runny nose.

Yesterday, I stayed home with the kids from church and then went to Brian's parents for a great Mother's Day dinner of shish kabobs. Delicious.

Yesterday Reagan told me some funny things. She comes into the kitchen crying and said she was running as fast as a horse and fell down and hurt herself. Then later I was listening to Sounds of Sunday and a song came on with an organ and she comes running over to me and tells me that sounds like church music. And then asks if we are going to go to a new church. Funny girl.

Today, I am left with running errands, finishing planting the garden, planting my pots for the front and back, cleaning, laundry at some point and whatever else seems to come flying my way.

Good Things
1. glad Jaxon is breathing better
2. To be home
3. A very loving family